January, 2010 Newsletter

OK, So it’s a New Year–Now what??

A few weeks after each New Year begins, once all the tinsel gets swept away, it’s not unusual for those with resolutions to once again fall back into another form of resolve, called complacency. When you look up the word “resolve” or “resolution” one of the definitions is “to decide.” And, another word for “decide” is to “choose.” So, when we make a resolution, whether of a personal, professional or spiritual nature, we are openly or secretly declaring that we have decided to choose to do, feel, think — ultimately to BE something different—something perceived as better for our present and future.

So, What Happens?

Do we suddenly decide that those changes are no longer important? Not usually. Most often, we simply make old familiar choices to honor and validate our core beliefs– that certain self-inspired promises are destined to result in the lack of success. So, regardless of how much we really mean it when we proclaim our desire and determination to change, to grow, to be brave, to grab that brass ring—in the end, we choose to stand behind what we, in our hearts, believe is true, based on our past experiences.

But, it doesn’t have to be that way.

Step 1: Give Your Belief-System a Make-Over!

I’ve learned, both personally and as a professional Life-Coach, that regardless of the time of year, it’s always much harder to achieve success in an area of life that has, in the past, always resulted in failure. One of the best ways to begin the process of shifting your results upward is to simply change the wording of your intentions (your intended result) to something that reflects what you actually believe you can achieve.

Step 2: Start Slow and Build.

The process of changing your belief system is not complicated but it does require focus and determination since we often walk around unconsciously devoted to our old beliefs—even those that don’t serve us. Just like when a beginner at the gym, it’s best to set out to build up your strength, stamina and skill in a way where, after each visit, you feel exhilarated and eager to take on more– and not like a broken-down truck–which would only end up confirming your lack of ability! And, like going to the gym, in order for continual growth to take place, you need to be willing to take on the challenge to continually exceed your current comfort-zone level.

Get Specific, Yet Give Yourself Room to Breathe!

Instead of making broad statements that focus on the same-old final results, construct smaller, more manageable intentions that will give you both, more control and more choices, while also making proactive changes. What’s important is to choose to DO things that, each day, will be measurable (to you). That way, you can experience the weight of your own success, however small, on a daily basis. This is extremely important to the process of creating a new path of success in an area where you have a history of defeat.

When re-working your intentions, it’s a good idea to get as specific as you can, while still allowing yourself the creative freedom to experiment, as you go along. Writing down a clear plan toward incremental success and then re-reading your plan often will help you to stay on-track, especially when feeling all-of-a-sudden unsure of your potential.

Here’s Your Guide to Achieve Success

The following is a guide for you to use to create more inner and outer success, regardless of the area of life, but especially where you have found the process of change and/or the accomplishment of a specific goal difficult to achieve and/or maintain. Of course, this is just one example of taking an old resolution and reworking it so that you feel clear, directed and also accountable (to YOU!). You’ll need to change the written plan to suit the specific goal. And, if you need help, I’m here.

Here’s a typically unfulfilled New Year’s resolution:

“I’m finally going to lose those 20 pounds!”

Here’s a new, more approachable, yet very clear intention:

“At those times, when I get really hungry and usually eat foods that undermine my desire to lose weight, starting today, I will make healthier food choices.”

Be clear that your real goal is to feel and look healthier and more “fit.” And also to enjoy the new feelings of strength that come from letting go of old habits that don’t support your goals, and by replacing them with new, positive actions.

Make a List. Write down the actions you will take to support your intention. Be sure to address those triggers that have, in the past, caused you to fall back into an old negative pattern. This is a list of commitments so don’t write actions that you’re not willing to carry out. Remember that the real goal is always to move toward success.

Here are some proactive commitments you might consider to reach your health and fitness goal:

• I will have an assortment of juicy fresh fruit in the house, to enjoy when I feel the urge for something luscious and sweet.
• I will have lots of cut up fresh vegetables in the fridge, to grab when I want something crisp and crunchy.
• Each week I will prepare a different healthy dip, to make those vegetables taste more substantial and satisfying.
• I will eat a few toasted nuts when I want to taste something savory and some dried fruit when I have a craving for something chewy and sweet.
• I will prepare more meals that include lean sources of protein, like roast whole fish, poached chicken, broiled/grilled salmon and lamb chops.
• I will keep a variety of blanched vegetablesin the fridge, to be sautéed or tossed with vinaigrette, which will keep my meals healthy, colorful and texturally diverse.
• I will eat smaller amounts and in more frequent intervals, to aid my body as it adjusts to the changes in my food choices.
• I will drink a lot more water each day to stay properly hydrated.

Get the picture?

Balance the Physical and the Emotional Weights

It’s equally important to address both the physical and emotional aspects of achieving a new level of success, especially in those areas of life that seem to present the greatest challenge and here’s why.

Often we think it’s the physical “thing” that will make us feel accomplished—a new job, a new body, a new car, a new love, a new attitude, etc. So, we end up attaching a great deal of self-esteem to our ability to achieve these things. But, when you think about it, what we really seek is the pleasure associated with the feeling of those gains—more comfortable, more relaxed, more energized, more powerful, more free, more connected, more in-control, more able, more resilient—ultimately, more alive. Once we fully accept that our greatest happiness comes not from accomplishing things but instead, from pushing past our perceived limitations (from growing past our past), we can actually begin to embrace and even enjoy the process of tackling our most difficult challenges.

When triggered to fall back to those negative ways, stop and identify how you really want to feel. You can then create a clear plan to disarm old emotional reactions by responding with new proactive choices that will bring you the feeling of pleasure without having to pay a negative price. And, by choosing to turn away from feeding an emotional desire with a negative action, you will experience the daily incremental rewards of creating a successful change.

So, after creating your new intention and then a list of supportive commitments, ask yourself the following:

When emotionally triggered to eat foods that don’t support my goals,

I’m really looking to feel _______________________.

Next, write down some new, positive actions you are willing to take, to combat the impulse to revert to an old emotional pattern. The goal is to commit to a better response—something that will help you achieve the feeling you’re after, but in a healthy, long-lasting way.

Consider these positive actions when confronted with the desire to eat foods that don’t support your goals:

• Brisk exercise: walking, ride a bike, going to the gym, or simply trot up and down the stairs three to five times.
• Cuddle with your pet.
• Call a trusted friend or someone new that you’ve wanted to connect with.
• Watch a funny movie.
• Read uplifting material.
• Write in a journal, documenting your process to success.
• Meditate for 20 minutes.
• Take a yoga class.
• Visualize how different (and wonderful) it feels, when you honor the creation of a version of yourself that’s better and stronger than you’ve ever been!
• Read (and re-read) your list!!!

Every time you choose to follow your own outlined advice, you will be helping to change how you think and feel about your ongoing potential to succeed. Remember, your reoccurring thoughts and feelings are what feed and solidify your core beliefs and your core beliefs are made visible by your actions. By deliberately making the types of proactive choices outlined above, you will soon see your inner beliefs change and, ultimately, your level of outer success will greatly improve.

Sometimes, when we set out to travel to a new geographic location, we’ll print out directions to take the fastest highway route.

Think of that as a trip.

Then there are other times when we know we want to go “over there” but we’re not in as much of a rush. We decide to build into the plan the freedom to, at whim, get off the highway and poke around unfamiliar towns and villages. We don’t worry about the possibility of getting lost or of having unforeseen car trouble; we look at “the art of going,” as a vehicle to experience all kinds of opportunities for enrichment.

Think of that as a journey.

Apply this analogy to achieving goals. We like to fantasize about the glory of crossing the finish line, basking internally in the thrill of victory. Although I’m all for visualizing success, the problem with this focus on the destination is that, all too often, the narrow focus causes us to abandon the process of getting there.

We forget that fantasy is easy while actually achieving something in real-life means honoring the process of becoming. Seeing yourself win a tennis match is great, but in order to experience the literal achievement of your fantasy, you’ll need to go out there and do your best to win enough games to win the set. So, to do that, before the match, you’ll need to prioritize, practice, and be persistent.

In all areas of life, in order to achieve the victory, you’ll need to learn from games lost, to value life’s detours and to embrace the journey!

And, because I believe in YOU and in your ability to succeed (and since fiber is crucial to a healthy digestive system), I thought I would give you a recipe for an unusually delicious muffin to enjoy on your new path!

Trust me; they’ll really help you get going!!

Prune and Raisin –Refrigerator Bran Muffins

Is your resolution to reduce the amount of stress in your life?

The word stress, although technically a noun, is not a concrete “thing.” It’s actually more of a verb or an adjective that describes a feeling. (“I’m so stressed!” and “stop stressing me out!”) So, the real goal is to change the way you feel, when certain situations present themselves, whether planned or unexpected. Sometimes that’s as easy as becoming more open to seeing things differently (shifting your perception).

When you feel yourself about to become overwhelmed, ask yourself the following: “If ten different people, from all different backgrounds, were in this same situation, how might they experience this differently?” And then commit to staying with this thought until you come up with at least two perspectives other than your own. By allowing this question to occupy your mind for at least one full minute, you can avert your normal immediate reaction, which is to become swept away emotionally.

Not only will doing this help to confirm the possibility that there could be more than one way to see things but you’re deliberately creating a vital space in between how you feel and how you respond.

How much time to you spend concentrating on doing the things that make you feel the opposite of stressed, which is calm, peaceful, trusting and safe?

Here are just some of the daily commitments you might want to consider to overcome the challenge of feeling stressed:

• Listen to your favorite music more often.
• Be more present to your breathing, consciously inhaling more deeply and exhaling more fully.
• Spend more time connecting with people you enjoy. This sounds simplistic but, when in the “production” mode, we often forget the restorative power in simply touching base with those we like to talk to and share with.
• Spend more time exploring and appreciating nature.
• Exercise more and only at times that won’t affect your ability to sleep. Studies show that exercising in the evening can create over-stimulation, making it harder to fall asleep.
• Cook foods with great aroma. Incorporating more soothing food aromas into your life at home is an easy way to induce a feeling of well-being.

And, here’s a very informative article about the far-reaching effects of stress on your overall health, including the ability to lose weight.

Love, Laur…