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December, 2009 Newsletter
LGK Monthly Message
Holiday Happiness
Quick–what sights and sounds come to mind when you see the words “Holiday Happiness?” (Try not to think…just see and hear.)
I’m guessing you’re getting internal pictures of smiles, children playing, extended family and/or close friends around a table filled with large platters of mouthwatering foods, shimmering, festive lights, gifts, hugs, kisses, a roaring fire in the hearth, four-legged family members roaming around with tails swaying, sounds of laughter and holiday music–That’s what we often envision, as stereotypical symbols of what it is to experience authentic happiness during a holiday celebration.
Although a pretty picture, the trouble is that many of the images depict physical and emotional expectations that are often out of our control to create. One reason is because the experiences are dependent on the presence, feelings and resulting actions of others. Another is because our interpersonal situation and/or financial abilities might be different than once-upon-a-time. After the idyllic imagery comes the internal commentary. We start thinking about the stories behind the faces, the intricacies in family relationships and about all the frilly, cozy, comforting components (including special friends and family members) that, this year, will be missing from the scene.
And, although the holidays are notorious for soliciting people to give to others, the truth is, most of us come away thinking more about ourselves and about what we don’t have, what didn’t happen, how tired we are of shopping and cooking and how broke we feel from spending money we’re not sure we have. We eat too much and sleep too little. We make all sorts of repeated resolutions that we know we won’t keep–not for long, anyway.
Suddenly, the hope for happiness becomes bunk-mates with self-doubt and the feeling of lack and limitation.
This year, why not try something different?
Take Control of Your Holiday Happiness– Regardless of What’s Going on Around You!
When you think of a happy scene what are you doing in this vision? Often we concentrate on the actions and reactions of others, instead of taking back the ball and “being the one” who chooses to act in ways that makes us feel the most connected and the happiest.
So, this year, when with family and friends: Be the initiator of positive interaction and an example of trust.
- Be the first one that kisses and hugs (and with the most feeling).
- Initiate topics of conversation and share stories that you find interesting and/or funny without waiting for others to make you feel safe.
- Ask questions about others (and really listen to their answers) instead of waiting for them to send that type of caring and focus in your direction.
- Let go of expectations of how things should be. Acknowledge and appreciate the uniqueness of this particular time that has never happened before and will never (ever) happen again.
- If you’re hosting the celebration, and worry that you’ve made the same recipes for the same people before, relax! We’re all continually changing, so even familiar dishes are experienced differently (every time!) In fact, you can let that understanding excite you, whether you’re the one cooking or a guest eating!
If you’re flying solo during the holidays, use the opportunity to enjoy your own company!
The saying that was made famous in the movie Jerry McGuire “You complete me” is just not true! Being alone is not synonymous with being deficient and it’s certainly not a punishment (unless, of course, you’re Tiger Woods…). Seriously, any time you’re by yourself, whether on a holiday or any other day, it’s a perfect opportunity to do a host of “personalized” fun activities and, more importantly, to strenghten the level of enjoyment you feel simply by being in your own company.
- Go to a movie (or rent a few) that you’ve really wanted to see.
- Use this chance to see that museum exhibit –and you can go as fast or slow as you want!
- Volunteer your time and muscle at a local shelter, soup kitchen or nursing home. Trust me, you won’t feel alone for very long!
- Get yourself a great aged steak (buying one costs less than two!) and an amazing bottle of wine–you’re not driving, so go ahead. And, click here for an elegant lunch idea.
- Reach out to a friend or acquaintance that you know will be alone and invite them to join you, for one or all of the above!
When money is tight and limits your ability to purchase gifts (especially for your kids), get creative!
Much more important (and valuable) than traditional gifts, kids need to learn from us (parents) about what’s really important in life and in building and maintaining loving relationships. We can also help them to understand, in a first hand way, how to become truly consequential to their own ability to experience both, personal growth and abundance.
- Instead of typically tangible presents, give the gift of YOU! Make a date (or several) to do activities that really speak to your children, individually. These special times together can make an everlasting impact.
- Bake your child’s favorite sweet and wrap it, as you would any other gift.
- Write your child a poem (or prose) that describes to them, in detail, all the things you love about them and what makes them truly special to you and to others.
- Give an IOU for a gift, to be earned and redeemed at a later date: Let your child know that they can help contribute to their ability to get a specific gift, either through a part-time job or by applying effort to accomplish a level of achievement (i.e. an elevated grade in a subject that’s been challenging, a more respectful tone with elders, a consistently tidier room, a kinder and more tolerant approach to siblings, doing household chores with a positive attitude, etc.)
The point: Not only is it an illusion to think that other people and/or circumstances have the innate ability to make us happy (and whole), it’s also terribly dis-empowering. When we give externals the power to activate or deactivate our ability to experience joy, we also give this same realm the power to make us (and keep us) unhappy. The choice between happiness and unhappiness, during the holidays or at any other time, is an internal decision, depending on how we choose to perceive things and what we choose to do in response to those perceptions. The choice is always ours. So, this year, why not give yourself (and those you love) the greatest gift of all? Choose to approach each day with an unwavering determination to BE what joy “is” and watch how the quality of your relationships, your feelings about yourself and your ability to touch others in a meaningful way elevates…. You really are in the drivers seat and have all the ingredients needed to have a truly delicious life, so BE HAPPY!
And, if you want a little something delish, here’s a do-ahead holiday dessert recipe that’s a real favorite in my house…
Chocolate Caramel Cracker Crisps
Love to you all,
Laur…
