I’m baackkk!! The flu finally left (good riddens…) and I am back, feeling as feisty as ever. While sick, I would collect articles from the newspaper–stories that would normally rile me up to take a stand, but I was too sick to type about it. Oh, I’ve been collecting articles for years; first, for my weekly talk-radio show “Food, Family and Home Matters” and then for the self-mastery course I teach in jail (on Rikers Island), to adolescent guys and girls.
Regardless of the audience, the reason for clipping and collecting articles was (and is) always to help highlight timely issues that I feel are pertinent and able to be used to drive home a point.
This past week, I cut out an article that made me think about what it means to really love someone; specifically a parent and child.
Although I’ve tried to turn away from reading about the plight of Lindsay Lohan, I will admit that I finally succumbed and read the most recent article all about Lindsay and her father. The article was all about how Michael Lohan, hoping that his daughter would finally get help with her well-documented (public and private) self-destructive choices, he apparently taped conversations with her and made them public. He says he did this because he felt this was the only viable way to keep her from slipping away forever. Lindsay, of course, became crazed by this, flinging all sorts of insults and accusations at her father in addition to filing for a legal restraining order and also to try to prevent her father from speaking about Lindsay in public.
Here’s my take...
Lindsay Lohan is clearly emotionally damaged and has become both a public and private mess. She’s stuck (like standing in quick-sand) in a blaming, victim-mentality that she uses to fuel her dangerously self-sabotaging behavior. And, although, I will admit, it might be hard to take when a father reveals something private about a child to the public–But, when a parent in this kind of situation needs to make a choice–after understanding the severity of the problem (and the possible consequences involved) –Is he (any parent) really supposed to care if a kid feels betrayed? Put another way–would you ask a person (anyone) what color life jacket they would prefer when you find them gurgling in dark, turbulent water??
I’ll tell you this: As a parent, I would do anything to help save my children– even if doing so made them so angry that they would never see or speak to me again. To me, that’s real love.
The act of showing love (especially by a parent to a child) isn’t always pretty or neat or about chocolate and roses but it IS about having an unwavering commitment to “do” the things that embody the authentic essence of honest devotion.
Lindsay’s problems are public because she, in her everyday choices, has become the major force in creating her own realtiy–And, although her sense of self (or lack-there-of) is the result of a culmination of many historic events and relationships she, as a “now adult,” holds the power to make daily, moment to moment choices. If these choices prove life-threatening, then those around her have the right and the obligation to help her to help herself.
No matter what flaws Michael Lohan had or has, as a person and/or as a father, he’s obviously had a wake-up call and sees that that the only way to get his daughter to understand the severity (and potentially catastrophic consequences) of her actions is to play ball in the way (and place) that will hopefully get her attention–which seems to be in a public arena.
And, you know what? Even if his motivations were from a neurotic, self-serving place, it doesn’t matter because the only thing that does matter is that Lindsay gets the help to hopefully find her way back. In the end, it will all be her choice.
The Point: With all the (VERY) public evidence of what can happen to a person when deeply involved with drugs, it’s a parent’s right to do what they can to help save their child. No matter what.
Tags: Lindsay Lohan, Michael Lohan, parenting children on drug use, teenage drug use
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