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In the paper this morning, on the front page, was the big news about finally finding Abby Sunderland, the 16 year old girl that was allowed to attempt to set a new world record for being the youngest person (ever) to go around the world on a 40-foot sailboat (ALONE!)–in what proved to be treacherous (extremely life-threatening) conditions (duh). Her brother had done it at 17–and you know what sibling rivalry does… 16 became the number that would beat her brother–What if instead of finally being located–if she had gotten irrevocably swallowed up by one of those 50 foot waves? Is that what it would take for her parents to be charged with child endangerment? I doubt it. Who’s idea was this anyway?? Oh, that’s right–it was Abby’s passion for sailing (and for beating her brother’s record)–I guess that makes it all OK.
Two pages later, there was an article about a 2-year old baby boy that was taught (by his father!) to chain-smoke cigarettes and, in this article, the father was boasting about how he had gotten the boy to “cut back” from two-packs to just a mere 10 cigarettes per day! If I hadn’t seen a video of this baby smoking like an out-of-control fiend (on a TV news show), I wouldn’t have believed that this was possible! (Did I mention that this baby is also clinically obese?)
On the next page was an article about a 12 year old girl who was left home alone for a week because her mother decided to get married and go on a honeymoon (sans her child)! At least this woman was locked up and is being held on $100,000 bail.
Has this world gone crazy? Has the word “parent” totally lost it’s meaning? Listen, I’ve raised three kids–and several dogs–and, just this morning on my walk with Mango, while she was on a leash, we met another dog who was also on a leash. The dogs were pulling, twirling, sniffing, snorting–pleading to be set free to play–Did I and the owner of the other dog look at each other with empathy and compassion for how our dogs felt? –Of course. Did we ever doubt that there was anything but the purest of intentions to their desires? No. Did we also know that if we let them off leash, that they could run into the street and get injured by a moving vehicle? Yes.
So what happens? Do we, as dog owners, decide to throw caution to the wind, remove their leashes and just hope for the best?
Do we, as parents, allow our children’s desires to outweigh our first job–which is to protect them? I think not. I hate to use a dog example, but I think there are a lot of parents (and pet owners) out there that need to wake up! Abby S. is a very lucky young lady, despite her parent’s lack of back-bone. There should be laws that protect children from an ineffective parent–She should have never been legally allowed to take this trip alone. (And these parents have an 11 and 12-year old at home and they’re already “accepting” that these kids might make this same attempt… Help!)
And, all I can say about the big, fat smoking baby is that his parents should be arrested and locked up (for a long time) for child abuse.
All three of these stories are examples of how people are actually able to live with themselves after blatently disregarding the most consequential job given to humanity: Parenting. It’s just horrifying.
Tags: Abby Sunderland, bad parenting, child abuse, children left home alone, children's rights, effective parenting, home alone, parental rights, Parenting, smoking baby boy
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Couldn’t agree with you more….parenting, in the true sense of the word has disappeared. It is now what the children, teens, etc. want and feel entitled to. Parents have become friends to their kids, not parents. You must be a parent first, then you can become a friend when your kids hopefully reach adulthood!
Comment by susan — June 13, 2010 @ 1:16 pm
Yes..Somehow, many parents today have become more afraid of their child’s wrath and/or disappointment then they are about the potential for long-term negative (and sometimes catastrophic) consequences from continually saying “yes” to a child’s random wants. Yikes…now THAT’s dangerous! There is nothing wrong with a parent wanting to heal, in their own life, by having a more loving, communicative relationship with their children then they had with their parents–but not at the expense of what it is (what it means!) to be a parent. If a parent’s relationship to their children provides a healthy and consistent form of strength, guidance, empathy and acknowledgment–Then, an appropriate (and valuable) form of love, trust and healing can follow.
Comment by Lauren Groveman — June 13, 2010 @ 1:52 pm
I couldn’t agree more with all of you. I am not a parent, but, I see it every day and it just makes me sick. I try to talk to parents but, no one wants to listen to a non-parent tell them how to raise there kids. I just bite my tongue.
Comment by Patty Baker — June 13, 2010 @ 4:34 pm
Sometimes it’s those who are neutral–who have the emotional freedom (thus the ability) to really “see”–Whether you have children or not, has little to do with the ability to have (and to rightfully share) valid insights. Just think about all the mis-guided parents out there that think they’re on the right track simply because they’ve produced children. Thank you, Patty, for sharing your thoughts here–I want this site to be a safe place to converse.
Comment by Lauren Groveman — June 13, 2010 @ 5:30 pm
I have to disagree with you on the incredible 16 year old Abby Sunderland.
If this were the 1700′s, Abby would be crossing America in a Conestoga wagon. She would not be fearful of Indian attack, disease, dangerous terrain or adverse weather. Instead, she would be excited about the adventure that lay ahead of her.
Fast forward to 2010. Negotiating terrain is replaced with negotiating oceans. Many people, I believe, are hard-wired for absolutely inhaling life!
I applaud her parents for giving her the incredible gift of an adventurous spirit and then nurturing it!
In the movie, “A Christmas Story” Ralphie’s little brother, Randy was stuffed in this horrible snow suit. Poor Randy could barely move let alone have fun in the snow like he wanted.
I feel that this is what is being done to children today. In the name of protecting them from harm, we overprotect them, coddle them and let them experience hardly anything.
When a parent comes on the scene that allows their child to actually live life like it’s meant to be lived, with passion, people misinterpret that as something else… maybe, not being good parents.
Ultimately, I believe that her deciding to do this at 16 as her brother had done had nothing whatsoever to do with sibling competition and everything to do with doing something that you are ABSOLUTELY ready for, trained for and passionate about.
I’d bet she was just as ready at 15 and if it weren’t for the rogue wave splitting her mast and making mincemeat of her boat, she would have completed her journey!
I believe this young girl, Abby Sunderland, (as well as her parents) is not only amazing but should be held up as a role model for young girls everywhere.
Comment by Cheryl S. — June 13, 2010 @ 11:54 pm
Thank you, Cheryl, for your comment. I do, though, disagree. This is far from the 1700′s.
As a parent that has helped my children to study and work (alone) in far off lands–reaching for their dreams–and watching them do all the work (themselves) to accomplish the goals in their chosen profession, this, the story of Abby S. is quite different.
In 2010, for an educated parent to allow their 16 year old child (however skilled and enthusiastic) to embark on a voyage that could very likely kill them is simply irresponsible–and for WHAT?! To break a record??
In a day and age where there is constant “out-doing” and at a younger and younger age–parents need to finally be able to say “Enough! I want my child alive–maybe a bit less accomplished–but alive and well and able to contribute something that’s actually valuable to the world.”
I do understand what you’re saying. Yes, It’s very commendable to have goals and to set out to achieve them…that’s all good, very good indeed. Unless its ego based–which I do believe this was–which is what happens when a goal becomes about competition and then mixed up with wanting to please one’s parents (…) despite the consequences–For parents to encourage this, to me, is against the rules of sound parenting.
Where is the use of TEMPRORANCE…a skill that more parents (and children) in the 21st century are quite lacking.
I think the parents of Abby S. should (quite honestly) get a life–of their own–and not encourage their children (who are not yet of legal age) to do things that are not only potentially life threatening–but for no reason that actually serves anything other than the stroking of one’s ego and trying to gain the approval of one’s parents. To me, it’s tragic and, if you were reading about her death, you might very well be thinking “how sad, how young…and for what??”
Comment by Lauren Groveman — June 14, 2010 @ 12:26 am
Lauren,
I could not agree with you more, as a mother of a 15 month old, with another one on the way, I find this obsurd. Sure, I want my children to explore the world and try new things, but this 16 year old sailing across the ocean seems a bit over the top. Why does everything have to be a competition? Why not teach our parents to be good, loyal, responsible people?
Comment by Jennifer — June 14, 2010 @ 4:35 pm
Yes–talk about teaching our children to be good, loyal and responsible–one great way to do that would be for the parents to act in good, loyal and responsible ways…It came out in today’s news that the father of Abby Sunderland is financially broke–he and his wife have seven kids (with one on the way) and he (the father) had made a deal for a reality TV show to exploit his daughter’s “passion” for sailing, at the expense of her safety. And, (to Cheryl) who says in her comment that we “more cautious ” parents are coddling our children and protecting them from the world”–Well, to that, I’d like to point out–that it also came out today that the Sunderland children are ALL home-schooled (always have been) and are not allowed to mingle with those in the outside world! These children are not only being used but they may very well have been brain-washed! This is just disgusting and should be considered criminal.
Comment by Lauren — June 14, 2010 @ 4:54 pm
I honestly don’t take these stories so very seriously as far as the mainstream and what parents are comfortable with their children doing. The 16 year old on the world cruise with her father’s blessings, to me is extreme as is the 2 year old who smokes. I know this is not the norm. There will always be people on the fringe who do things that the majority, thankfully, do not. Do they need parenting lessons? Yes. I think they also need psychotherapy for themselves.
Comment by Penny Linden — June 16, 2010 @ 3:25 am
There will always be parents trying to “stand out” thru their kids. It really would be better if they simply dealt with them as children and help guide them to be healthy adults.
On another subject, the pictures of your food are AMAZING! Everytime I look at them, my stomach starts to make a noise and my mind is telling me that I am starving. WOW WOW WOW…
Comment by kathy — June 17, 2010 @ 11:11 pm
Oh, so glad my cooking “moves you!”
Laur..
Comment by Lauren — June 18, 2010 @ 12:04 pm