I just got home from teaching “the girls” in Brooklyn, New York. This was only my second cooking class in this juvenile delinquent center, whose adolescent residents are remanded to reside for three to six months– I wanted to do something (cook something) that I thought they would love–love to prepare, love to smell while it was cooking and, most of all, love to eat. I also am always on the look-out for “teachable moments”–times during the cooking/baking process that I could use to highlight some of the thoughts, feelings and hopes that we all have in common. One goal of mine is to help these troubled teens to see that we’re all connected –to find opportunities to help them to uncover their commonalities, especially since many of these girls will, at the slightest provocation, decide to dig their heels deeper into perceived differences.

I decided to teach them to make Banana Bread (since it’s one of my children’s favorites–and something  that I’ve made so many times that I could do it in my sleep). I had it all planned–(well, not all of it…)

The girls were really “on it.”

• We first made the sugar/nut topping–we put equal amounts of nuts and granulated sugar into a doubled plastic bag with cinnamon and freshly grated nutmeg. Then, after sealing the bags, they took turns using a rolling pin to work-over the contents until pulverized.
• A small saucepan held some melted butter and in it stood a pastry brush, which two girls used to grease two loaf pans.
• Then we drained some “plumped” currants (1/2 cup-per each loaf- that I steeped in hot water for 10 minutes before class began) and we set them aside.
• After that, we went into assembling the dry mixture (per each loaf: 2 cups bleached all-purpose flour, 1 tablespoon baking powder, 1/2 teaspoon salt and one teaspoon each, cinnamon and nutmeg. They whisked–then they sifted this into another bowl.
• Two bowls sat waiting, each with a very soft stick of unsalted butter.
• Another bowl held some hot tap water with 4 extra-large eggs submerged (two for each loaf), to bring up their temperature to tepid.
• They measured 1/2 cup (each) granulated sugar and light brown sugar and then they proceeded to cream the butter with the sugar until light–then added the eggs (one at a time, beating well after each addition), then came a teaspoon of pure vanilla extract–and, when all of this was gorgeously homogeneous, we started on the bananas.
• For each loaf, the girls mashed three large (beyond ripe) bananas–the kind that I can’t seem to EVER leave behind in the market–The feeling is kind of like adopting a dog that I know is about to be put to sleep–But I KNOW just how sweet they are and how much inherint value they have…

A teachable moment:

One of my students (Angel)–was vigorously mashing the bananas to a pulp, obviously determined to eliminate even the slightest lump–(Actually, while watching her, I thought ”what a great way to apply her apparent physical strength –in a way that won’t get her into trouble!” ) She said (after switching  hands, to allow the first one to rest) “I love cooking with you–I really look forward to doing this”–and then she said, finally deeming that her mashed bananas were perfect ” this is hard work!”–I said “yes, there’s real effort that goes into cooking food for yourself and for others–It takes muscle and stamina and organization to build something with your own hands-all with the hope of creating something that you hope will be delicious –Not just to you–but “this something” will eventually go inside of another person–cooking is a connector–and it’s a very big deal!

Angel said “I can see that– I love cooking and I love sharing. I think I want to be a chef.” (By the way–this was the same girl who said to me, just one week earlier (just before our first class began) “I don’t like to share.” (Oh, these are the moments that help me to happily wake up way before the crack of dawn…) Then I said to her “Angel, since you now know how much effort and caring goes into cooking for others, I hope that you’ll be more sensitive if you happen to be presented with something that didn’t come out as great as the cook hoped and/or if it’s something that you don’t particularly enjoy. There’s always a way to “be you” and still be protective of someones heart. We might not all love the same things, but we ALL have a heart–and feeling hurt “hurts” to ALL of us. ”

Anyway–so the girls took turns adding all of the assembled ingredients into the creamed butter, sugar, eggs and vanilla. They first mixed in the bananas, then incorporated the sifted dry ingredients “just until combined,” then came the drained currants and, finally, they used a large rubber spatula to ease the batter into the prepared pans. After smoothing the tops, they scattered on the sugar-nut topping and I slipped the pans into the “preheated” oven…

Ok, let’s now talk about this oven (oy vey).

The oven is as old as the hills–I swear it must have come with the original lease (60 years ago!). The temperature dial has NO numbers! (Oh, I’m sure that, once upon a time, there were numbers–but not anymore–No, I’m not exaggerating.). Knowing this (from last week), I brought an oven thermometer and hung it on the oven rack, as it was heating. This was great–350F on the dot! So, after shutting the door to the oven, I set my timer for 50 minutes and we got busy cleaning up before we started making chocolate dipped strawberries (meant to accompany the sliced banana bread).

Those poor banana breads…

My nose is one of my best tools in cooking–and after 10 minutes in the oven, I smelled burnt batter. I opened the oven and the batter had swelled up and run over the top of the pans (I thought I purchased 9 x 5-inch loaf pans!–That’s what the wrapper said!) So, some of the batter rose up and out of the pans and burned (and I still don’t know why…) But it didn’t end there.

Having no idea what to do, I tried to see if it was the temperature that was the culprit–but, to my surprise, the temperature no longer said 350F–it was 300F.  Unfortunately, (something I didn’t know…) the oven door also has a “quirkiness”–and it only closes shut sometimes. So not only was there batter on the floor of the oven but the breads had not been baking with the door closed.

Anyway, the bottom line is that the banana breads were in the oven twice as long as they should be–the loaves gave most of their crispy, sugary tops to the oven floor–and, because of the timing involved, I needed to cut them while hot–(a real no-no).

The point: I’m sharing this with you because today I learned some stuff about myself that I didn’t particularly like. All during the time the breads were baking (and failing) I was filled with the need to continually “explain” why these breads won’t be what I know they could be. I felt the need to defend a recipe that was created out of the love for my children –(And, to be completely honest… I also wanted to defend myself as a baker)–and worse, I LOST a perfect opportunity to reinforce–and clarify the first teachable moment. I learned today that I am not only a teacher but also forever a student–What would a teacher say to a student who struggles to overcome perfectionist tendencies? “Use this experience to be kind to yourself and to acknowledge that the process of “letting go” of what one thinks is required in order to be loved takes much more muscle than mashing some really ripe bananas.”

Today illustrated perfectly how amazing life is–and how in control we (all) are to make things better, even when “all things” don’t happen to our liking. I’ve had some personal challenges lately that have wanted to pull me down emotionally–And after a day of teaching cooking / life skills to young female juvenile delinquents I, once again, feel such a positive sense of powerfulness.  

The point: Life continually reminds me that when personal circumstances feel negative, the best way to quickly pull oneself up is to turn on the light! “Do” for someone else–change the focus from thinking (and feeling) about the woes of “me, me, me” and, instead, head directly toward a person and/or a place that can benefit by our uniqueness and kindness–Will things suddenly be perfect in those parts of life that disappoint, frustrate, sadden or confuse us? No…but doing things that are filled with love and light is one of the best ways to wake up to our abilities–and to our real job– which is to reduce internal and external darkness by reinforcing our power to, no matter what life brings, to love ourselves and others, anyway.

Although human emotions start out nice and warm (inside)–isn’t it amazing how, if left to run rampant,  we can become really hot? Our face can get tomato red when we’re angry or frustrated (or hormonal!)–blotched out in purple-pink patches when we’re scared and/or nervous and deliciously flushed when we’re turned on. Although we often end up feeling internally mugged by our feelings, the truth is that emotions are simply a reflection of the degree to which we choose to surrender to inner and outer triggers. ”He made me so mad,” or “If she doesn’t hurry up I’m going to explode!” or “I can’t believe I just did that–I’m so embarrassed!”

The first point: Feelings, whether negative or positive, don’t make us do anything at all. It’s when we feel helpless in their presence that we relinquish control of what comes next–the continued unfolding of our story–that’s right–we let go of the reins that enable us to steer our life in the direction we want. When we inappropriately anoint our feelings “KING,” it’s like giving away our personal power to random waves on the shore. Feelings, just like waves, are transient–they come and they go. Emotions can be big and dark, and then an “all-of-a-sudden” whimsical inner thought or some silly outer scene can urge us to laugh out loud– (But, don’t get used to having the giggles…) because two minutes later, we can become scared to death and filled with mistrust (and then..)  after seeing a gorgeous baby or a delicious puppy or being hugged by the scent of a chubby, garlic-rubbed chicken roasting, the world, once again, feels just fine and seems filled with promise. 

Sounds totally exhausting, doesn’t it? Well, that’s how most of us walk around…victims of our own inner oven.

Is it bad that we have this (often overactive)  inner generator?  No, not necessarily.  As humans we’re made to have the capacity to experience enormous internal joy–and because there’s polarity in everything, there’s a flip side.–We also have the exact same capacity to create enough inner heat to feel overwhelming inner distress. As red-blooded people, we’re built to be able to feel the full gamut–but we also get to choose which inherent ability to strengthen. That’s the part we don’t remember–that we have a choice of how hot we will allow our internal oven temperature to get. We forget that, just like what happens in a home when extreme heat is left unattended –and is allowed to be sparked with more raw fuel–  the result is fire and, when left to it’s own devices, fire inevitably becomes extremely destructive, potentially obliterating many of the things that are most precious to us.

So how come we fail ourselves when we want to become less volatile–and happier?

Because, we usually create and commit to personal goals when feeling safe, able and inspired–a pretty cool zone (temperature-wise). Then, with the first challenge also comes an upward flick of inner heat, which is when we’re faced with the first pivotal choice: “Will I or won’t I attach an action to the heat that will depict a direction that doesn’t support the preservation of my jewels”–Which are our hopes, dreams and internal vision of being able to grow into our Greatest Self. 

The second point: Just like when the thermostat in our home-oven (in our kitchen) gets out of whack and runs too-hot, if we don’t want our creation (our life) to burn, we need to be able to deliberately make adjustments–reducing the temperature as needed– so we are more in control of having a successful outcome. Maybe it’s time to have that oven thermostat checked….