Some of you who are reading this, who have not, as of yet, made shared home-cooked meals a priority, might be thinking that “it’s too late to begin.” I want to encourage you to believe that it’s never too late to begin something—anything—that’s positive.

Regardless of your age, your marital status, the ages of your children or grandchildren, I give you my word, that you will see an immediate shift in “the feeling” in your home, thus in your life, once you decide to cook from a loving, joyful place within you, and then choose to practice that decision religiously, it will become a trusted reality.

When out in the world, no matter how disappointing the day, or how misunderstood your interpersonal exchanges have left you feeling, when you stand in a home that’s filled with the scent of thoughtfully-prepared food cooking, suddenly the world changes. The impossibility of issues that you’ve tagged “out of your control” leaves the forefront of your mind and heart. Things immediately feel safer, softer and warmer, and you are reminded that there are wonderful things in your life to be touched, to be tasted, to be shared, to be grateful for, that are always within your reach. My point is that the kitchen is a perfect place, a sanctuary of sorts, and the wholesome art of cooking is the most amazing vehicle to help you to begin to rebuild and replenish a life that feels pulled and pushed and stretched—even one that’s reached the point of becoming unbearable.

If you can’t get your kids to talk to you openly and honestly, if you secretly feel sorry that you’ve never deemed your sense of “hominess” (your softer side) to be a valuable part of your inner being, if you feel worried that your tallied professional accomplishments might leave you dealing with a pile of private regret, or if your boss doesn’t “get you” and you wish you had a daily way to strengthen your core self, your kitchen can help you to fix all of these things, starting now.

To clarify, this is not about over investing in the act of eating; it is about embracing your nurturing power to make your home into a trusted place that’s deliberately injected with a healing calm. It’s about having a place to connect to those who do “get you,” a place that helps you to feel that you have more control over your quality of life, no matter what the outside world dishes out.

Let me help you to use your kitchen, your magic room, to make your home life as loving, as fortifying and as sensory rich as possible. That’s what my work and life is all about. Please email me at asklauren@laurengroveman.com and share with me the issues that keep you from having the nurturing life that you deserve. That’s the first step to creating a healing home. (Of course, all correspondence is kept confidential!)

And remember—even if your outside life sometimes leaves you feeling excruciatingly small, even you can live a truly gigantic life at home. It’s never too late to begin.

Oh, Man, I knew the truth as soon as I heard the silence. Silence can be VERY telling.  When a cookie that usually makes people audibly happy doesn’t, that type of silence screams “FLOP!”

It was the nuts; they were bad and it’s my fault. I cut open the bag of macadamia nuts…purchased that day from Trader Joe’s…and, as always, I stuck my nose deep into the bag and inhaled. Although I thought “that’s weird, these macadamia nuts have a bitter, hazelnut-ish smell,”  I also thought that once toasted, they’d be fine.

So, I shimmied the nuts into a single layer on a large shallow baking sheet and slipped them into a preheated 350F oven. I set the timer for 10 minutes and waited for the savory scent to give me a hug. Well, although not as potent a scent as usual, it wasn’t a bad smell, not at all. So, I let the browned nuts cool on their sheet, then piled them into the food processor and pulsed them until finely ground. I uncovered the work-bowl and, once again, took a whiff. Now, that smells goooood! So, I thought I was totally good to go.

Not so.

Yes, of course, you’re 100% right. WHY DIDN”T I TASTE THE DARN NUTS!? I have no idea. Maybe my belly was full of something else …Who knows, but that was clearly my biggest mistake.

The first mistake was not buying the nuts at my usual place, which is our local health-food store. I usually buy my nuts raw (untoasted) but Trader Joe’s only had them in bags claiming they were already toasted (but they didn’t look toasted at all, not nearly to the degree they needed to be for me in my recipe). FYI: The reason why it’s not a good idea to EVER buy pre-toasted nuts is because, once heated, nuts release volitale oils which can quickly become rancid (fat in anything is highly perishable).

The second mistake was not going right back to Trader Joe’s as soon as I sensed something was up (or down), whatever.

But, the third and biggest mistake was clearly not tasting the nuts, especially once I suspected they weren’t perfect–and knowing what that could mean to the ultimate taste of my baked cookies–Now, that’s just dumb.

Alas, I continued to make a cookie dough that’s a real favorite of mine; one that’s eventual snowy appearance and sultry taste and texture has always been trusted by me to instigate pure pleasure, but not this time.  What a shame since everyone at the table was brand new to my home. (I made a dinner party for my neighbors).

So, all in all, this particular cookie-making experience was pretty humbling.  It was actually good for me, though, as it cemented some of the things I already knew about the wonderful world of baking (mentioned above). I also learned a few things about myself…

But, before I share with you my “life lessons,” let me turn you on to a cookie that really is quite special, when made with the right stuff.

Here’s what’s in my (usually very delish) Snowy, Butter-Nut Buttons…

2 cups unbleached, all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 sticks (1 cup) unsalted butter, softened

3 tablespoons light brown sugar (packed)

3 tablespoons mild-flavored honey

1 tablespoon maple syrup (I use pancake syrup for the most pronounced maple flavor. Oh, don’t be a snob.)

2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

2 cups finely chopped, deeply toasted macadamia nuts

Up to 2 1/4 cups sifted regular powdered sugar (not “Snow-White,” non-melting sugar, which is too sweet)

To make the cookie batter …

Using a whisk, combine the flour, baking powder and salt. Set this aside. Using an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream the butter with the brown sugar, honey, maple syrup and vanilla, until homogeneous. Add the chopped nuts and, when well combined, stop the machine and add the flour mixture. Combine well, with the machine on it’s lowest setting. Stop the machine and, using a rubber spatula, go way down to the bottom of bowl to incorporate any wet and/or dry pockets. Cover the bowl and refrigerate the batter, for 4 hours (or up to 2 days).

Get ready to bake…

If not working with a double-oven, position the oven rack to upper and lower third shelves. If working with a double oven, have the rack on the center shelf in each. Preheat the oven(s) to 325oF. Sift the powdered sugar into a bowl and set it aside. Line 2 cookie sheets with parchment paper.

Using a cookie scoop (with a capacity of 2 liquid tablespoons), scoop level portions of the chilled dough and, one by one, release them into your hand and roll them into a walnut-sized round. (If not using a cookie scoop, use a tablespoon and form balls of the same proportion.) Place the balls 2 inches apart on the prepared cookies sheets. You should have 3 rows of 4 cookies each, per sheet, with one extra dough-ball, to be placed wherever there’s a spot. This recipe yields 25 cookies.

Here’s what the balls of unbaked cookie dough look like on their baking sheets…

They start out perfectly round...

Place sheets into the preheated oven and immediately reduce the temperature to 300oF. Bake for 15 minutes, and then, if using two racks in one oven, switch the positions of the cookie sheets. If not, leave things in the center. Regardless, continue to bake until the cookies are light golden but not overly brown on the bottom, 10 to 15 minutes more.

While the cookies bake, set up to apply your sugar coating…

Lay two overlapping sheets of wax paper on your counter and position the cookie racks over the paper. Like this:

Remove the sheets from the oven and let the cookies sit on their sheets for about 3 minutes.

See how, after baking, they look like buttons?

Then, using a thin metal spatula, remove them to wire racks.

My favorite spatula to transfer just-baked cookies to wire racks.

Just baked and still warm...

When just cool enough to handle (they should be still warm), lay the cookies (one at a time) in the powdered sugar, turning them to coat them on all sides. Let the cookies cool further on wire racks. (The appearance of the cookies should appear a bit gummy at this point. That’s good!)

After the first dousing of sugar...

The cookies, at this point, will appear a bit pasty. This is on purpose. The warmth of the cookie melts the sugar so it gets a bit wet, which will help the second coating to really cling. Let the cookies cool before they get their second sugar-coating.

Once cool, roll each cookie again in the remaining powdered sugar. Replace the cookies on their racks, for an hour or so, or until the sugar is set and the cookies are perfectly cool.

Snowy, Butter-Nut Buttons

Serve and store the cookies…

If serving soon, use a thin metal spatula to transfer the cookies to a decorative serving platter. If serving later in the day of baking, or the next day, place the cookies into a something deep and rectangular (like a large roasting pan), to protect their appearance. Cover the pan, securely, with aluminum foil and leave it at room temperature. Store leftovers in an air-tight tin, separated by sheets of wax paper. If needed, just before serving, sift a bit more powdered sugar on the tops of cookies to correct their appearance.

Want crescents, not buttons?…Ok.

If you’d like to shape these cookies into half-moons, roll the same amount of individual portions of dough into squatty oblongs, then curve the sides either down or up, creating a half-moon shape. Bake the cookies and apply the sugar finish, as described, when making buttons.

Now, on a more personal note: The most valuable things I learned from serving a great cookie gone bad…

Because it’s very hard for me, it’s especially good for me to embrace opportunities to soften my perfectionist tendencies. It’s actually quite freeing (kind of…).

Being so quickly reminded of how vulnerable the sport of cooking/baking can be is valuable because it makes me a better, more compassionate teacher.

The partnership between a cook and her/his ingredients is truly profound. When one drops the ball, the cookie crumbles big time.

I made myself such a great lunch, this past weekend, at home. It was simple, savory, “French-feeling” and just lovely (and healthy, too!). And, it was also really easy since I always keep a well-stocked kitchen.

Here’s what I had:

My lunch.

Poached eggs, over sautéed spinach with seared heirloom cherry tomatoes.

Here’s why it was so easy:

First of all, I always keep a big bag of cleaned, fresh spinach in the house. After it’s all clean and dry, I pile the leaves into a jumbo freezer bag and stick the bag in the refrigerator, to use throughout the week.

Cleaned, fresh spinach is kept in the fridge so it's always ready and waiting...

So now…when I want to include spinach in my meal (whether cooked or raw), I don’t have to “all of a sudden” clean the leaves, which takes some time. All I have to do is have fun putting my meal together!

(FYI: Doing things like cleaning spinach in advance can really help you to feel like you have an assistant in the kitchen (only it’s YOU!)

About cleaning spinach: The way to do it so you don’t end up with nasty grit between your teeth (which can totally ruin your meal), you need to be meticulous when cleaning the leaves, especially if working with a mature crinkly type. (There are different varieties of spinach and some leaves are smooth (called “spade” spinach) and others have deep crevices which is where all the dirt gets hidden). You need to take off any long fibrous stems and rinse the leaves well under cold running water. Then, fill a big bowl with cold water and submerge the spinach. Swish the leaves around, using your hands, let sand settle at the bottom (just takes a minute after you stop swishing) then lift the leaves out of the water and place them into a second bowl. (Don’t pour the leaves into a colander to drain, because you’ll just transfer and sand and dirt back onto the leaves). Once you’ve done this twice, each time using fresh water (rinsing and wiping out the bowl each time), then spin the leaves dry in a salad spinner. Pile the leaves on doubled paper towels and roll the leaves up in the towels. Store the spinach this way in a jumbo plastic bag in the fridge.

To cook the spinach for this dish, all you do is heat a couple of tablespoons of extra-virgin olive oil in a large sauté pan, over high heat. I had a jar of garlic confit oil in the refrigerator, which I love, so I used that.) When the oil is hot but not smoking, toss in several big handfuls of spinach leaves. Use tongs to turn the leaves in the oiled pan, helping them to quickly wilt. Then sprinkle in a clove or two of minced garlic, a few crushed red pepper flakes, if desired, and then cover the pan and reduce the heat to very low. Let the pan sit, covered, over low heat, for just about 2 minutes and uncover the pan. Toss the leaves around again…they should be bright green and tender but not overly dark or mushy. (The longer you cook spinach, the darker and more bitter it gets…so be mindful, here.) Season the spinach with salt and pepper, to taste, and transfer the cooked leaves to a warmed bowl. That’s all there is to cooking fresh spinach!

Now, about poaching eggs: Although I totally love kitchen tools of all kinds, I’m not one of those that likes to accumulate lots of stuff that just gathers dust. Anything in my kitchen needs to be truly functional and, to me, (especially if you like poached eggs) I completely recommend having a stove-top egg poacher.

Here’s what the one I have looks like…

An egg poacher with a six-egg capacity.

These poachers have the capacity to cook either four or six eggs at one time. I have the larger one because I like being able to, if I want, just poach one egg and up to six.

Here’s what it looks like with the lid off…

Here’s how to poach eggs using the above contraption: First, take out all of the perforated egg cups and then spray only as many as you need (one egg per cup) with nonstick vegetable spray.

Two egg poaching cups...just use as many as you need.

Fill the pan 2/3 to 3/4 full with water and insert the sprayed cups into their receptacles. You should see some of the water come up through the holes so that the cups are about 1/4 full. If not, just add more water. Cover the pot and bring the water to a boil. Uncover the pot and add some salt to the water and then crack an egg into the egg-cup. (I use extra-large eggs.) When all of the eggs are in their cups, cover the pot and reduce the heat to low. Cook the eggs at a simmer for 4 to 4 1/2 minutes (a bit less for smaller eggs) which will produce a poached egg with a firm but very tender white and a fluid yolk…yum, yum). Uncover the pot, turn off the heat, and use tongs to remove each cup (one by one) out of the water. (See the note at the end of this step.) Use a heat-proof rubber spatula to help loosen the egg from the sides of the cup. Lay some doubled paper towels in one hand, tilt the egg out of it’s cup and onto the paper. Carefully transfer the poached egg to a plate.

A stove-top note: If working with an electric stove, it can take several minutes to go from high to low heat. When a dish is timing sensitive (and poaching eggs is one of those…), it’s a good idea to heat a separate burner to low. That way, once the eggs are in their cups, you can cover the pot and simply transfer the pan to the burner that’s on low.

Some things to know when wanting to poach eggs without an egg poacher: Because, here, the eggs go directly into boiling water (without being cradled in a poaching cup), there are a few tips to help keep the whites intact, as opposed to spidering out into a straggly mess. You’ll need to add an acidic ingredient to the boiling water before adding the eggs, which will help the whites to coagulate more quickly. Usually, this is distilled white vinegar. Use about 2 teaspoons to 2 quarts of water. (Personally, I can always detect this taste on my eggs…and it usually affects my enjoyment.) The other tip is to use the freshest eggs possible since, when eggs are really fresh, the whites are at their most gelatinous (thick and viscous) which helps them to keep their integrity through the poaching process. As eggs age, the whites become much more watery (very thin).

You’ll want to fill a deep-sided, nonreactive skillet about half full with water and bring the water to a boil. Add some salt and a couple of teaspoons of white vinegar to the boiling water and cover the pan, for now. Crack your eggs into separate small heat-proof custard cups (I use Pyrex). Uncover the pan and, one by one (working somewhat quickly), slide each egg out of its dish and into the boiling water (bring the dish right down to the water so the eggs ease into position, keeping each egg separate). Cover the pan and lower the heat to low. Simmer as you would when using a stove-top egg poacher. Meanwhile, fill a bowl with very hot tap water. To retrieve the eggs, turn off the heat, drag the pan to a cool burner and, using a slotted utensil, carefully lift each egg out of the water. To avoid tasting any of the vinegar, gently dunk the egg (while still in the slotted utensil) in the bowl of hot water. Lift the egg out, let it drain and then use a paper towel to dab off any excess water, being careful not to break the yolk (heaven forbid!!)

To sear the cherry tomatoes: (I suggest you do this when the eggs are poaching and in the same pan used to cook the spinach–no need to wipe out the pan.) Rinse, dry and halve or quarter several cherry tomatoes (about 4 per person). Heat a pan, over high heat, with a tablespoon or so of olive oil or garlic confit oil. When the oil is hot, add the tomatoes and saute briefly, just to warm them and to give their edges a bit of color (without compromising their texture–keep them firm). Season with salt and pepper and remove the pan from the stove. (To see a preview of me making the garlic confit, click here.)

Then, to serve, all you do is pile the cooked spinach into an individual serving bowl, scatter the tomatoes around the spinach and place the poached eggs on top. Serve while hot, accompanied by a well-working pepper-mill.

So, when you’ve got the right tools and ingredients, it’s really easy to make a weekend lunch that’s simple and yet elegant.

To remind you…

I made this delicious dish just for myself, this past Saturday, for lunch.

Yes, I’m worth it and so are you!

Tags: a healthy lunch at home on the weekends, egg poacher, egg poacher pan, elegant cooking made easy, healthy and easy, how to clean fresh spinach, how to cook fresh spinach, how to make a great lunch that's elegant, how to poach eggs, how to use an egg poacher, Lunch for one can be elegant!, perfect poached eggs

If you want to know if you’re a truly “self-mastered” person, don’t spend so much time examining what you do when things are sailing smoothly along. No, no…It’s when the tide turns, the buttons are pushed, the emotions run high–now those are the times that shine a big fat bright light on how you’re really doing and where your issues are still.

Two nights ago, I really lost it emotionally and it was jarring. Especially as someone who works diligently to overcome negativity. On this night I was in a situation that, from the get-go, felt sticky–one that brought up all kinds of historic wounds and perceived lack. And, although I had thought that I was beyond reverting to childish over-reactions in these specific areas, I was (apparently) dead wrong.

Oh, did I mention that this all happened while entertaining?…I’m not sure if that’s what you call it when your mother comes for dinner with her live-in beau.

OK, so I guess I’m not over losing my father (August 8, it will be 2 years). I wonder… does anyone ever truly get past that?

Anyway, my saving grace, in the midst of everything, was (no surprise to anyone that knows me) my kitchen…thank goodness for my kitchen! Every time I felt choked with painful feelings, I would slip out of the room where we were having drinks and some savories, and I’d B-line it for the kitchen. Feeling as if I was trapped under water and in serious need of oxygen, once I was safe in my kitchen, the soft “blipping” sound and potent scent of chicken simmering with sausage and herbs seemed to throw it’s arms around me, as if wanting to assure me that everything will be alright.

Well, after two days, several good cries and a couple of long walks with Mango, my dog, I’ve finally become centered again.

And, I’ve learned a few things from this emotionally charged episode. I learned that suddenly going backward, while being committed to an upward path is not the end of the world (although it sure felt like it at the time). I learned to forgive myself for being soft because being soft is an important part of both, loving others and being able to let the love of others in. I learned, yet again, that blaming others for my reactive tendencies is totally self-sabotaging when wanting to move forward, and that it takes enormous strength to pause instead of heading into an old familiar dark place. I learned that, although there is always a lesson to be learned, thus a blessing to be had, it isn’t always immediately visible and that’s when trust needs to be found so it can provide comfort and the hope of clarity. I learned that when feeling overwhelmed, it’s a perfect opportunity to practice patience with myself and with others.

So, I learned that having the ability to, especially when feeling pushed, to pause, to trust and to exhibit patience are three very clear indicators of one’s level of self-mastery. I clearly have some work to do…

I also learned that my kitchen is not just a place to cook; for me, it’s a room where I can really breathe.

On this morning’s long walk with Mango, I enjoyed the amazing scent of honey suckles, linden trees, roses, lilacs, jasmine and even the magnificence of gardenias. Once on a busier street, the smells went from grassy to positively gassy. And, as we traipsed along the water, the salty smell of the sea filled my head along with the occasional stench of dead mollusks. Then, as we headed back home, I got to revisit the best and the worst of it all.

The point: Like the ups and downs we experience in life, I guess it’s all just part of a good, long walk.

Here’s a new recipe that represents the sweeter moments of “that night.” For a brief time, there was no pain at the table, and we were all just happily eating.

Vanilla and Amaretto-Laced Poached Apricots with Greek Yogurt, Honey and Toasted Almonds

Purposely, this is a large recipe because we finished the first jar so quickly that my family wanted to eat it again the very next day. So, I made it again, this time, doubling the original amounts. Although you can certainly halve it, these apricots make a wonderful gift and they also stay well in the fridge for several days.

Yield: serves 8 to 10 (may be halved)

Special Equipment:

• 5-quart saucepan
• 2 quart-size jars with screw-top lids

Ingredients

• 4 cups granulated sugar
• 4 cups water
• 1 supple vanilla bean, slit lengthwise, on one side only
• 20 firm but ripe, medium-size apricots, rinsed and drained
• Amaretto liquor, as needed
• Plain yogurt (preferably a Greek brand)
• Honey (mild-flavored)
• Sliced toasted almonds (to toast almonds: place the nuts on a shallow baking sheet in a preheated 350F oven for 10 minutes or until golden. Shake the pan occasionally, to help redistribute the nuts so they brown evenly.)

To make the poaching liquid and poach the apricots: Stir the sugar and water together in a 5-quart saucepan, over high heat, until mixed but still cloudy. Add the slit vanilla bean and continue to heat, stirring occasionally, until the mixture comes to a boil. Once boiling, let the syrup cook briskly for 2 minutes, which will totally dissolve the sugar and help disperse the vanilla specks throughout. Add the apricots to the boiling syrup and, keeping the pot on the original burner, reduce the heat to low. Let the fruit poach very gently, uncovered, for 5 minutes (start timing right after adding all the apricots –the syrup will not come back to a bubble).

The apricots poaching...

Carefully spoon the apricots into a large bowl and pour the hot syrup over them. Let cool, uncovered, until just warm. (It’s important that the apricots stay submerged with the syrup or some brown spots might form on those exposed. So, once just warm, it’s important to transfer the apricots, syrup and spirits to their jar(s).)

Here are the poached apricots steeping in the syrup...Soon you'll add the Amaretto (which really makes this yummy...)

To finish flavoring the apricots and to store them: Remove the vanilla bean and rinse and dry it so it can be used again. Carefully spoon the apricots into 2 quart-size jars and pour enough syrup over them to come 1 1/2 to 2 inches from the top of the jar. Pour in enough amaretto to fill the jar, leaving ½-inch head room at the top. (Expect to have some leftover syrup. You can keep it in the fridge to use in summertime drinks (it’s totally delicious). Cover the jars and tilt sideways to help the amaretto mingle with the rest of the syrup. Chill until ready to serve. Although the syrup will take on a deeper hue, the apricots as well as the syrup will be fine for several days, kept chilled and well covered.

Jars of poached apricots are so beautiful, don't you think?

To serve: Spoon two or three apricots into individual serving dishes and add some of the poaching liquid. Spoon some yogurt over the top and drizzle the yogurt with honey. Sprinkle some toasted almonds on top and serve with a spoon, fork and knife.

A delicious reprieve… I feel better just thinking about this dessert!

Tender, sweet, creamy and crunchy...just delish!

Tags: a sweet summertime gift of poached apricots, almonds, amaretto, amaretto disaronno, amaretto liqeur, amaretto recipes, apricot, apricot recipes, apricot syrup, apricots, dealing with the death of a father, how to be a self-mastered person, How to judge if you're truly a self-mastered person, how to poach apricots, how to roast almonds, how to stop being over-reactive, how to toast almonds, mothers and daughters after the death of a father, roasting almonds, roasting almonds home oven, the road to being a self-mastered person, what i've learned while trying to grow